An End to a Neverending Story
by DarkSerapha
Summary: Shonen-ai (Vegeta x Goku) Vegeta decides to put an end to his personal neverending story of struggling for dominance... but in a very unsuspected dramatic way. Is Goku able to prevent it? Read and find out! Please review!


Author: Dark Serapha / AyanamiRei 

Email: Mononokehime@gmx.net 

Genre: Yaoi 

Pairing: Goku x Vegeta (a little Trunks x Goten, too) 

This story is about Yaoi, which means male-to-male relationships. If you can't cope with that, bugger off! 

Warnings: sad, death, romance, OOC 

Disclaimer: Unfortunately none of the characters in the following story belongs to me, which is a shame as I would love to own Vegeta... ***grin*** I promise not to make any money with it, though I would love that, too. 

**Dedicated to my dear friend Azurite, who helps me with betareading - and is also one of the nicest persons I ever had the pleasure to meet. Domo arrigato gozaimasu for everything! *big hug **

Please, be patient with me... I'll try my best, but English ist not my first language (german is). So if there are any bigger mistakes in here, don't criticize too hard… 

Music suggestion: while reading this story, I suggest to listen to one or more of the following songs: "Vegetas theme" (original japanese), Sting: "Desert rose", Enya "Only time", Enigma "Gravity of love" or Loreena McKennit "The Mummers dance" "All souls night" or "The bonny swans" 

  
  
  


**An End to a Neverending Story**

  
  
  


It is a neverending story. We keep on fighting each other, teasing each other, he subdues me once again – I fail once again. It is going to continue like this, going to follow us, going to – maybe – destroy us in the end. At least it will surely destroy me. It already has nearly done so. I will put an end to the neverending story. 

He does not understand. He never knew. Never knew about my true feelings. If I had only been able to even once beat him after our initial encounter, I could have told him. But somehow he always was stronger. He always won. I was inferior. So I accepted my fate – and remained silent. 

Well, I actually did not exactly remain silent. I yelled at him as often as possible – I called him all the names I could make up – but it was nothing than a mere disguise for my aching heart. I could not tell him the truth, so I called out lies to him... until we got so tangled up in this that I could not change my behaviour anymore. 

So I kept on being the seemingly hateful, ungrateful creature that everyone believes me to be. None of them ever thought I was capable of even having a heart. Maybe Bulma was the one exception. But even she failed in the end to see through all the disguises and barriers I have wrapped around myself to protect me from harm. 

And he... he could of course not see through it. Naive fool, that he has always been… here I go again, calling him names – baka, bakayaro, fool, low-class bastard – well, whatever comes in mind. 

How could he ever understand, I suppose. He has lost his memories of the proper upbringing he must have been given at some point. He does not remember about his saiyan heritage. So this means he does not know about the rituals. About what it means to bond. There was a time when I guessed that he had figured it out, but was still subduing me, telling me that he did not accept me. It nearly broke my heart. I thought this could only mean that he had no feelings for me, no respect… I nearly killed myself then. 

OK, so I got myself killed. I did not expect the afterlife to be as painful as this life was, but I was allowed to stay in my body, my mind not finding the peace that it sought. I was "mercifully" allowed to watch... watch him! And then they returned me to earth... I wished for it secretly, but it was a torture to be granted that wish. To meet him once again. But yes, I was thankful as I made an astonishing discovery. He had not figured it out. He was as clueless as always. 

And he kept being that way, though through the following fights I thought that I gave every hint possible. I laid down my pride, but it was not enough. I was not to tell, I could not – I am royalty after all, I can't give away my heart on a silver tablet to anyone just crossing the street. 

Saiyan bonding and mating is a very complex thing. It not just involves two hearts, but two strong minds. Even here on earth finding your partner is not a very easy thing, as I found out by watching the earthlings tangle themselves up in hopeless love affairs. But on Vegeta-sei – it was even much harder. And the hardest it was for a member of the royal family. 

There are lots of formalities to keep. I have thrown most of them overboard. Useless, since the planet has been destroyed and the race has been exstinguished just like that. No ring of the inner flame I could proudly present my beloved one to show my feelings, no Great Ball to ask for the first dance, no arc of the burning rose to steal a first kiss beneath... all gone. 

My whole past has been destroyed and so I fail to move on into the future. I am hovering in between, nothing there to hold me, to catch me, to connect me to this world – his world. For he fully lives in the present, neither thinking of past nor future, just dwelling in the beauty of this world – and beautiful it is, just like him. So very beautiful. The thick ebony hair, which turns this amazing shade of gold whenever he changes. This deep dark eyes, gazing so very innocently into mine, not knowing, not seeing the darkness inside me. 

He never believed what others said about me. Though we were enemies first, he soon came to the belief that I was a good-hearted creature after all, and since then he has never lost his trust in me. Maybe that was what changed me, what changed my mind – and heart. Maybe that was what made me fall in love with him. His utter believe, that I was worthy, first to be his opponent, then to be his friend. That was the first time when I was truly happy. That was when a glimpse of hope caught me, that we might be more than friends – one day. And so I kept training to challenge him, waiting for a sign... but he never gave it. I could get as strong as possible, I never was able to reach his level of sheer power. He kept on dominating. My hopes were destroyed. As long as I was not able to even be on his level, not to speak of better him, I was not allowed to speak about my feelings. So I was not worth him after all. This had been planted into my very self so deeply throughout my upbringing that denying this would have meant denying what I was, what I am. I – COULD – NOT- GIVE - IN. 

Now I am tired. So many lost years. So many nights of longing. So many unfulfilled dreams. And he is still there, teasing me with his mere presence. Always smiling, always keeping on being friendly – just before he slams me into the ground or knocks me into a wall. I've done my share in fighting back – and in hurting him, whenever he hurt me, though I know that he did not about how much he hurt me. Aw, yes, I hurt him – just to get rid of this pounding ache in my heart, but it never did anything good. He just apologized to me after making me fail once again, grinning with his usual happiness. Not understanding. Not seeing the grief in my eyes. Maybe he did see it but did not want to understand. How could he... why does he... 

I will end this pain now. My life has had no other aim all through this years than to finally equal him. But it could never be done. He is always one step ahead of me. 

This is the royal knife of Honour. It has brought death to quite a few members of the royal family of Vegeta-sei. It is the only honourable weapon to use, when all reason's gone and the only thing you can still look forward to is not to have anything to worry about anymore. 

Normally it would mean to have a very complex and woeful ritual with it, including the three best friends giving the honour of a last speech about the achievings in live. Ten royal palace guards would have been chosen to kill themselves by their master's side to accompany him in afterlife. He would have to be dressed in the purple robe of Pride. And he would have been given the last blessing by the High Priest. . A week of grief would have been called upon the people of Vegeta-sei afterwards. 

All of this is not in reach for me. All that I have is this knife, which I took with me for some reason I chose to forget a very long time ago. When Freezer came to get me… ah, yes… I took the knife with me, BECAUSE Freezer came to get me... why didn't I use it before... .? Oh whatever, this has been a long time ago, and this is not the time to think about what cannot be undone. Though... maybe this was why I never felt worthy to tell him what I felt. Because I felt dirty after so many years of ... abuse…which I could not prevent and terrible things I first was forced to do and afterwards did so they would not be done to me. That is no excuse, I know. But could it be that this was why I was not able to lay aside my pride and simply tell him? – because I meant to clean myself, and be worthy for him? 

I chose to pass away in beauty. I would of course have preferred to die the death of a warrior, fighting till the end, not having to regret anything. But since there is only one damn creature on this planet who could kill me in a fair fight, that is no option. I could not make him do it. Even if I mocked him to the limit, he would not. Possibly I could threaten him to destroy earth or something – but what is even stronger than the wish to die an honourable death is the wish that he will keep me in a somewhat good memory. Don't know if he will when I do it this way, but he certainly won't the other way. 

So I found myself a nice place. I am sitting on some rocks, beneath me lies a fairly big lake. It is quiet. Water lilies are covering the surface. Wind is softly brushing though the long grass around the lake. The trees of the forest behind me are whispering as if they would be anxious to see what I came for. 

It is night. The stars have already lightened up. The sky is as clear as anything. Beautifully black – dark and deep and mysterious just like his eyes. I can see the star which was home to the planetsystem of Vegeta-sei. Though even the star has been destroyed, its light is still visible, still travelling through space. So there is something remaining after death. Will something just nearly as pure and beautiful as this starlight remain of me, after I am gone? I don't think so. The very best I can expect is that everyone will forget about me very soon, so that at least I won't leave a shadow hanging over this world. 

I gaze down at the knife in my hand. The curved blade, masterfully crafted, blinks, as I move it slightly. It reflects the moonlight. The pale moon has already rosen about the treetops, bathing everything in its silvery light. It makes the scenery quite ethereal. 

The time has nearly come. My heart is still full of questions, fear and agony. But they are slowly fading away, as I take in the beautiful picture in front of me. Peace... finally I will find peace. 

This time there will be no coming back, no resurrection. I will finally fade away, going into the darkness which has shadowed my life so very long. I think I know how I can achieve that. When I arrive at the netherworld, I will ask neither to go to heaven nor hell (as if the first was ever an option, much more likely to be the latter). From my two deaths in the past I know that there is a final extinguish of one's soul and entire being. What follows is just darkness and emptiness. For all eternity. I hope that it will be granted to me. Since resurrection is only possible from the netherworlds, this should be a final end to my tortured soul. 

I am grateful. Though it did not turn out the way I had hoped, there were good things in my life. Bulma... she loved me, and I think, I somehow loved her... and Trunks… my only son. I hope he won't be thinking bad about me when he finds out what I have done. I think he loves me, too. It's a miracle, since I've never been able to show my love for him. But somehow he seemed to know. He seemingly was able to sense what none of the others including him were. 

Trunks... I am proud of you. I have left you a small note, saying this. It is the first and last thing I ever did for you. I just wanted you to know, that I always thought you to be a worthy son, much more noble than I am. You would have been the supreme ruler of Vegeta-sei once, if not... but, hey, if the planet would not have been destroyed, you might not have been born at all. So even destruction can cause the birth of something good. I hope that my death will not change your noble heart, but will make you stronger to take up the task that I lay down now – to become the great fighter that I know you will be and, much more important, to live a happy life with someone at your side. 

You thought I never noticed... but I have very sharp eyes, and I indeed noticed the change in your look whenever it came across that son of him, Goten... I guess you would have thought, that I would hate you getting involved with the boy, seeming so much to dislike his father, as I always pretended too. Well, you are wrong, my son… I imagine a small smile crossing your face as you read this line. I wish you nothing but true happiness, and if it's him you'll find it with, all I want to do is encourage you. Don't make the same mistakes as me, my son… 

The time has come. I wish I could have said goodbye to him. But he would have tried to stop me, being the hero of the day, as he always was. He would have tried to save me, not knowing that it was him who doomed me long ago to follow this dark path. Not that I accuse him… I don't want to bring pain to him. That is why I have not written a note to him, explaining. I hope that he will just cope with it, not understanding as always, but somehow accepting. 

The knife glistens promisingly to me. I close my eyes. 

It was not meant to be. 

Finally an end to all the pain and grief. 

Don't forget about me, if you can... but remember the few good things about me. 

Please forgive me that I have hurt you. 

Please forgive me that I was not strong enough. 

Goodbye, my one and only love… 

It does not hurt. I feel the blood oozing out of me, and as the warmth leaves my body, my heart is finally getting to a rest. There it comes, the long awaited peaceful darkness. 

But through the darkness there is a flash of light approaching. Oh no. I should have guessed. Our kis have been ever so close since our fusion, and he has sensed that something is wrong. He is coming... c'mon, flow faster, blood, stop pounding, heart… 

Too late. There he is, carefully approaching me. I can sense his ki as bright as a flame standing beside me, though I can't see him properly anymore. My vision darkens. What a pity – if a lonely death could not be granted to me, I would at least have fancied one last glance upon his handsome face and figure. 

Now he pats my unmoving back. I have slipped down, lying in the grass, my blood oozing out of the deep wound. I hear panic in his voice. Here he is again, my hero, saviour of the universe. Always trying to do good. I try to figure out what he is saying… 

"...don't go, Vegeta... Please... don't leave me like this…" 

Is he crying? I am surprised, though my emotions get weaker along with me. Then I feel him take me up, take me into his arms – ah... what a feeling... how long I have waited for this... now I can surely die happy… 

He cradles me in his lap. His face is so very near to mine, but I can't see him anymore, just barely feel him, sense him. He seems to look at me. I can hear him talking to me all the time, though I can't make out all of the words. 

"why… can't do that... don't you know… you never... why?? … talk to me… what is it, you want… how am I supposed… live without… what... I wrong?… Always... wanted you.... proud of me... show you… I am worthy… your respect… Please... Vegeta-sama… my prince… my love…" 

That last word, only murmured, nearly not audible, startles me... even as my thoughts are dying, this is shooting right through me. Now what... what did he say? Did he think... could it be that he really thought, all my mocking was true, that I did not like him? Could it really be that he was not the slightest aware of what I was feeling, about how I was tortured…? Naw, that can't be... it must be the near death, that makes me hallucinating things. 

And with that final bitter thought I fade away. 

The last thing I feel on this world are the arms of the one I love embracing me and tears running down my cheeks… 

Darkness. It is all around me. I am aware of myself. So, this is the netherworld. Again. I can't see a thing. I can't feel my body. So they have not let me keep it as the last time. I am nothing but a lost soul now. Astoundingly the pain is still there, is still fresh. I don't have a heart any more, yet I feel heartache. This is not fair. All I wanted was peace at last. I wanted it so desperately. Is this some kind of punishment? 

I can't remember those last moments too well. 

My last minutes on earth did not exactly turn out the way I planned. I am not really sure of what happened, because my dying brain did not cope too well with the loss of blood and oxygen. Meaning that I only can guess what happened. I know for sure that he was near, that he found me before I finally passed away. 

And that he talked to me... I slightly remember surprise and bitterness and pain. Aw. More pain. I have left the world as I lived within it – in pain. No peace again. And seemingly it was again him, who innocently caused it. But I just can't grab hold on what exactly happened. 

Suddenly a loud, mighty voice calls out to me. It seems to speak directly to my mind. It makes my whole being ache. 

"Vegeta!" it says. 

_Yes, I answer, I can hear you, thanks a lot, please don't speak so very loud. _ I am being my usual bitter ironic self, I know. I am so disappointed. All I wanted was the final extinction but it seems that I have to remain in pain for eternity. 

"Vegeta," the voice keeps on booming darkly through the black surrounding me. "Do you know where you are?" 

_Well, _I answer, and I realize that I don't have to speak but simply form the answers in my mind, _yes, I guess that this is the netherworld. _

"Right... this is where you are measured and judged. This is where your fate is decided!" the voice adds with an nasty undertone. 

_Ah... I knew... so what are you going to do with me?_

"Where do you want to go?" the voice surprisingly asks me. I answer instantly. 

_I don't want any more pain. Let me go into the void, where everything is dark and empty. Let my self fade away, so I can finally rest. No more tears. No more longing. No more grief. No more... love…_

"So that is what you desire..." the voice says and it seems to get softer with every word. 

"Don't you want to see what your death has caused?" 

What my death has caused? I think about this for a while. Do I really want to see them cheering about that I have finally gone? Maybe Trunks would not cheer, he maybe would even shed a tear. Don't want to see that neither. 

_No_, I answer. 

"Not that you really have a choice... you'll have to see how your death has affected the fate of others." 

I start hating that damn voice, but forget about it, as images flicker into being before my mind. Since I can't turn away, I have no choice but watching. Hmmm... I see the lake. 

It is still a moonlit night. I see a dark figure crouched on the ground. My non-existent heart gives a gasp as it recognizes the shape. How very cruel! Why show me a picture of the one that made me come here... I don't want to see him... please... don't torture me with what I've lost… 

The image starts getting clearer. I can see him... the pain is almost enough to make me go over the edge. He is staring down on the thing he holds in his arms. With a cold shudder I recognize my own dead body. So this is what I look like from the outside. Pretty small, huh... small and broken. My blood is all over him. 

Now I can see his eyes. I gasp. There is no life in there. His eyes are broken. Empty. They don't even reflect the light anymore. His hands are clutching my body. He is shaking. Silent tears are running down his cheeks, crystalline, splashing on the floor. I can't believe it. I did not imagine him taking it so hard. I wanted to end my pain... and instead I seem to have caused the only one I love more of it. 

"Now you see what you're selfish pride caused." 

Selfish pride. Was it selfish of me to do this? Yes, maybe. And maybe my whole life was selfish. I could have told him. It was just my pride that got in the way. I could have told him long ago. If just I would not have been so damn proud and so damn afraid that he would turn away from me the instant he knew, finally showing me how much he loathed me... I always feared that his kindness would not last as soon as he found out what I truly was. 

I see him sob silently. He seems so utterly heartbroken, I can't believe it. I can't watch it. 

_Please_, I beg, _please let it end... please let me go... I can't stand it anymore. This is too cruel!_

"NO. It is not over yet. You are not allowed to go. Wait and see." 

No more... please no more... I see him stiffen. He gets up. He still has my body on his arms. He is standing there, tall and beautiful and absolutely heartbroken in the silver moonlight – and then he throws back his head and screams – his cry is so full of pain and grief that it does not sound human anymore... He is crying out for me! 

He looks... so... wild! Even in this moment he is adorable! 

This is worth the pain... seeing him just one more time... even though he never felt what I felt I always enjoyed seeing him. Even so I was always crushed within our fights, even if it hurt me that I had to fail once again, I was able to admit his beauty, when he was in this state of feral agression. This was when he looked as much saiyan as he should be. He was like a beast of prey then. Wild. Free. Powerful… 

He might be heartbroken enough even to find a way of calling me back. He has friends all through the universe. Kaioshin... Kaio-sama, Dende. If he calls, there will be answers. He might be able to resurrect me. But I can't let him. It has to end. Here. Now. Once and for all. I can't stand it anymore. One more look into his eyes, and my heart will twist and break just like that. I would not be able to live with the pain. I'd go crazy. And I doubt that he would understand. I would cause him pain – one more time. I don't want that. 

Then I see his glance fall on something reflecting the moonlight at his feet. It is the knife which has fallen from my dead hand. Slowly, very tenderly, he lays my body down on the ground. Then his trembling fingers touch the knife. He picks it up. Runs his fingers over the blade. My blood is still on it. His empty eyes give me the creeps. Slowly he lifts it up to have a closer look at it. He seems to recognize it. I must have shown it to him once. I wonder what he is thinking at this very moment. If I still had a breath, I would hold it now. If I still would possess a heart, it would be racing – racing with fear. I feel the urge to scream. I can see it in his eyes… He continues to stare at the knife. 

He murmurs something softly. 

His other hand tenderly strokes trough the hair of the body lying in front of him. 

Then he smiles... and just as I start to relax, thinking that now he might get over it, get on with his life and live happily ever after – which is the thing I desire most in the world – 

Just then… 

He grabs the knife 

and 

thrusts it 

deeply into his own chest 

into his very heart. 

My vision blurs. I gasp. I can't believe what just happened. I see his already empty eyes go completely blank. I see the pain on his beautiful face mingle with something strange... hope? Could this be? 

His body sacks. He falls to the ground. His hand still clutches the knife. He does not move anymore. He is lying side by side with my own body. 

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

Why did he… how could he... why did he do this? I think that the pain is going to push me over the edge. I wanted to leave this world, his world, and instead he chose to... follow me… 

Why on earth would he do that? Hell, if he wanted me back, he could have thought of some way to resurrect me. But the baka did not think of that, did he..? Or was he too heartbroken to think clearly? Or maybe he even understood that resurrection was not what I wanted, having ended my own life like this… 

The last thing I see is how our two bodies slowly dissolve. And suddenly I have the feeling, that I have a body again. I am still hovering in mid-air, but I can feel my heart race, I can feel it cramp out of sheer grief. I can feel breath unwillingly fill my aching lungs. 

_THIS IS NOT FAIR!_

"Is it not? It is what you chose by doing what you did!" the cruel voice tells me. 

_PLEASE... LET ME GO.... I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!_

"No… other plans have been made. A wish has been granted." 

_A wish…? What... who... _

Who are you, that you are being so cruel to me? I ask the voice, shaking and tortured. 

_Who made you my judge?_

"Don't you know by now?", the voice answers me. "Can't you guess? I am you, Vegeta-no-ouji, last prince and king of the proud race of Saiyajin of Vegeta-sei. I am your own conscience. Who else should judge about you?" 

And finally I understand. I have known all along. Now that I have left the world, all my bitterness and sarcasm, my fear and pride, my barriers have left me. And I finally understand. It was me who kept him in a distance all along. Only me. 

And the tears of understanding run down my cheeks. 

And just in this very moment I realize that the darkness has moved. I am surrounded by bright white light now. 

And... 

A hand comes to rest on my shoulder. 

I freeze. 

I feel a presence... can it be... 

Slowly I turn… 

Dark eyes are gazing deeply into mine. 

A smile is lighting a face. 

Beautiful ebony hair… 

My heart is pounding so very hard… 

He is giving of this beautiful pure white light which surrounds me, washes away my pain, my grief, my bitterness, No, it is not just him. We both are glowing in this pure white glory. 

Feathers… 

And wonderful great white wings embrace me, pulling me towards him. 

He wraps his arms around me, smiling at my unbelieving face. 

In his eyes I can read what I have been looking for. 

There's so much love inside… 

"Vegeta…", he says, and I tremble with ecstasy at the sound of my name from his lips. 

"Vegeta... I have been waiting for this for such along time…" 

He bends down and my heart gives one last little yelp, before the happiness finally soaks me through and through. 

As he kisses me, I feel the wings on my own back spread and entwine with his. 

I did not have to be stronger. 

He does feel the same… 

We always were equal. 

I won't be alone anymore. Nor will he. 

I feel the love bring tears to my eyes, as we press our bodies together, kissing hungrily, finally finding what we both have been longing for such a long time. 

Not only our bodies, but our minds become one and I finally understand. 

I close my eyes and without any hesitation lose myself in this incredible feeling. 

This kiss will last for all eternity. 

A neverending story…. 

**~owari**~ 

~?~   
  
  
  


So, this is it.. I'm done.. dunno why I had to write this, it just came flowing out of my heart... PLEASE review, I'm practically living on comments und you would'nt want poor me to starve to death, would you? I promise, I'll make it a happier story next time.. (but wait, since my next project is "The shadow of a royal soul" I probably should not make promises I can't keep :o))   
Dark Serapha   



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